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women of color

10:32 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker72 notes

for my lovely like-minded black women who know what time it is: WHY & HOW TO REMAIN BLISSFULLY NEUTRAL

In one post, I told you to imagine that you were Switzerland. During WW2 one of the reasons why they were able to stay neutral was because of the geography of the country. Simply put, Switzerland is surrounded by mountains. That dangerous terrain (and a bunch of different factors) would have been pretty hard to overcome ( not to mention it would have been a waste of money).

Black women, by realizing that they need distance and to separate themselves, can avoid the ultimate collision where they end up the sacrificial lamb/scapegoat. When they accidentally find themselves on these blogs/ videos/ can avoid these things.

Simply put these people simply have more privilege so fighting/ verbal sparring simply will only put you in the line of fire and get you destroyed. Your best bet is to avoid that protect yourself all together.

That leads to the rest of my post.

How to Remain Neutral…

COMMON SENSE advice never gets old :)

12:54 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker2 notes

Girls are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get sour apples from the grounds that aren’t as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing.

They just have to wait for the right boys to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

08:43 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker132 notes

hazelscarlettrose wanted to know: I've read some of the articles you've posted and a lot of them seem to blame black women for their circumstances instead of a society that has built hundreds of years of oppression and shame on the black woman by all races and genders. Do you feel as if the current circumstances of black women are because of their own actions or do you think society has, if any, role in in this current "plight".

Hi there!

you asked:

Do you feel as if the current circumstances of black women are because of their own actions or do you think society has, if any, role in in this current “plight”.”

my response (sorry about the typos):


There are circumstances that we are born into that are out of our control and there are many circumstances that we DO have the power to avoid, prevent, and overcome.

Keep in mind that black women are not a monolith  so when you say current circumstances of black women, I have to ask, which ones?  I didn’t know the number until recently but there is 22+ million bw in the U.S.  Our values, experiences and lifestyles are are going to vary greatly.

Whenever someone brings up being accountable for ones actions, looking at issues from a different perspective, or having a more positive outlook in general, there is always someone from the black peanut gallery running in to shut them up because HOW DARE THEY question the behaviors of grown black men and women.

There’s nothing wrong w/ acknowledging the rich history of black Americans, which included overcoming enormous obstacles like slavery and gaining civil rights, but I’m not one of those black people that uses the suffering of my ancestors as an excuse not achieve.

I will continue to post content that questions the backwards and quite bizarre behaviors I see going on in many (not all) black circles because the way I see it, how can I expect the people and environment around me to improve when I am unwilling to make the necessary changes to elevate myself?

Be the change you want to see, right?? Are we all just repeating those words because Obama says it, or are we actually putting in the work on ourselves and living it?

Thanks for the note :)

07:19 pm, question from hazelscarlettrose, answered by shesthedifferencemaker5 notes

Capturing the black male gaze and seeking the needle in a haystack exceptionalism influences many black women to run towards the plastic surgery, the skin lightening treatments, the yellow hair and the desperate behavior. Unfortunately, the quality of the men they seek is woefully inadequate and they’ll never get the validation they require.

And yes, women do need their beauty validated along with every other aspect of themselves to be a complete person. It’s not unique for any women with the focus and means to beautify herself, thus some of these actions are not necessarily harmful in and of themselves. It’s the unacknowledged underlying hatred for black women who look black that is the issue.

Many of these women have attractive features that are admired by men who are not black and would fare better to go where they will be appreciated. Non-black males don’t need to step on the backs of black women to get ahead in society and already dominate in some way or come from more intact communities, so they may have an appreciation for all women. They don’t need to exalt one group of women at the expense of another.

08:15 am, by shesthedifferencemaker29 notes

Patriarchy will insure a male role is written first and with better character development for film and tv roles. Go take a look at the current crop of tv shows and movies released right now. Count the parts. Then divide that number by the fake reality tv and see who makes up the bulk of those shows. There are numerous shows and movies that have large casts with several male roles filled by black and white actors, one or two female roles represented by others – but you’d be hard-pressed to find a black woman extra in the background UNLESS it fits a stereotype.

We have to be cognizant of the images being displayed of us and who is displaying those images. You’re not powerless to take action to remedy this. You don’t have to simultaneously support your erasure or other people’s ratchetness. We should not be so quick to hold “prefect” images in vain all for the purpose of keeping it real stupid.

Know that people are going to do what benefits them and many are invested in uplifting BM interests without any reciprocity AND to the detriment of BW. There are certain groups of people with particular cultural ties and power clusters who are immediately catered to and defended. This isn’t a reflection of more collective juice, but in how the squeeze method was applied. Ask yourself if you’re being treated like a favored child or the bastard cast-off.

Don’t assume loyalty, jump to be angry with or defend the poor behavior of or give any of your time, energy, resources and money to people, causes and practices that do not benefit you or where there are no alliances yet evidenced. Everyone has to pay at the door for entry.

01:43 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker14 notes

Many black women have borrowed too many politically correct concepts and ideas without the understanding that these notions are not giving them the victory they seek. I am here to tell black women that utilitarian approaches are better for black women not Politically correct and idealistic philosophies especially those borrowed from modern feminist thought. ‘Being fat is fine’, ‘Be a single mother if you want, its your choice’, ‘No one should shame a Slut’… I am wondering how have these notions helped the situation of black women as a group?

There are many kinds of ‘experimental’ ideas out there offered in the name of progressiveness, equality and openness but they will not pay off for black women even if their white counterparts manage to dabble and go scotch free from all sorts of new social engineering ideas…..black women must always look to the tried and tested approaches…

04:13 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker39 notes

Loving yourself and being proud of being black doesn’t mean you have to be the mules of the race.

Your foundation as a person is NOT the black race.

Your identity as a person and as a black woman is NOT tied to the collective state of black people.

Putting yourself 1st does NOT mean you are selfish or anti-black.

I’m not ashamed to say it. My self-preservation and advancements in life ALWAYS come first. Period.

(Source: twitter.com)

03:18 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker34 notes

07:15 am, by shesthedifferencemaker9 notes

Black Women: It is so delusional to refer to black men as “our men” when 80% of black kids are raised ALONE - by black women.

When it is clear that your group has been abandoned to fend for yourselves and raised babies with NO help, then it’s time to stop saying “our men”.

Move on ladies. Move on to those greener pastures where you are wanted.

(Source: twitter.com)

03:26 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker24 notes

I’m seeing black people lose their cookies over the Chris Brown and Rihanna black face mess at that pep rally…

Where was this mass outrage when Chris Brown beat Rihanna?!

Where was this mass outrage when you forgave Chris Brown and started buying his music and listening to him on the radio?!?!

Where was this mass outrage when black Chris brown fans blasted Rihanna and told her she deserved it?

Same behavior different story.

Black bashing is okay as long as it is done by other blacks.

Let whites get involved and then you get offended and outraged.

so over it.

10:26 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker8 notes

Black Women….

answer me this:

What has the Obama Administration done SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU or for BLACK AMERICANS, that pushes you to elect him for a second term???

I’m curious.

I’m looking at these embarrassingly high unemployment numbers for black Americans and I just don’t get it.

I’m going over how many issues that affect our lives have been ignored these past 4 years and I don’t get it.

Two women get appointed to the Supreme Court….any of them black women?? And yet we voted for him in HUGE numbers. I don’t get it.

I’m looking at how black women like Shirley Sherrod, Susan Rice, and other bw have been thrown under the bus to protect his image and I don’t get it.

someone (kindly:) explain this blind loyalty to the President.

I hope BW know that it is okay to be selfish. Other groups are selfish lol. They get what they need for their groups and don’t apologize for it.  White women, Jews, white gays, etc. The majority of black Americans still don’t get it and it shows…

08:48 pm, by shesthedifferencemaker18 notes

oh Lucy Liu…

“If I get really dark, I’ll start to look a little Filipino — it wouldn’t match.”

Is she racist for saying this?

NO. (learn what the term means, kay?)

But, it’s terribly sad that these words came from a woman her age. I remember having Korean and Chinese friends growing up who said things like this ALL the time. Friendships like that don’t tend to last where people have issues with darker kin tone. I don’t know why they expected me to be comfortable when they said things like that even if there were only referring to their own skin color.

I unfortunately was also insecure with my deep hued tone for a period of time in middle school so I’m sure I said dumb things like this…..but I was a kid…..not a grown woman….on tv….with millions of people watching….

This is why I am careful who we idolized and praise in Hollywood.  You are not one of my SHEroes just because you are a black woman or a minority woman.  I’m not going to support you just because you are a “woman of color” and you get limited roles in Hollywood. I vet who I support at the box office and on tv just like I vet people in my real life.

I do feel terribly sad for the girls, especially those dark-skinned (Asian) girls, who look up to Lucy and then she goes and says something so stupid like that on national tv without batting an eyelash. Le sigh.

11:09 am, by shesthedifferencemaker17 notes

I wish people would stop embarrassing themselves like this.

Are liberal/Democrats really giving actress Mindy Kaling grief because


she’s a Republican?!?

"A woman w/ Indian heritage can’t be a Republican!!!"

"She must hate herself!!"

"How can she betray minorities like that!!?!?"

"This is why most of the writers she picked for her show are white men, isn’t it?!"

"What a self-hating bitch!!!"

"Doesn’t she know what that party stands for!??!?"

"OMG like I can’t like be her fan anymore like omg I hate her now!!!!"

10:32 am, by shesthedifferencemaker6 notes

An Education Is A Terrible Thing to Waste

"Nobody in their right mind admires Asexual Mammy. No matter how much women who identify with Asexual Mammy complain about the fact that nobody admires (or even really values) Asexual Mammy. Sane people who are in touch with human norms can recognize that Asexual Mammy is just as deviant as Hip-Hop Video Vixen. She’s simply at the opposite end of the promiscuity spectrum. Neither image reflects or projects healthy, attractive womanhood.

If Viola Davis has any sense at all, she’ll stop playing Asexual Mammy roles. If she has a piece of a clue, she’ll use her current buzz to get herself cast as an alluring, desirable woman. She’s not getting any younger. If she’s really smart, she’ll form her own production company and cast herself in lead roles as a desirable, alluring woman. Her shelf-life for being relatively young enough to be cast as a desirable woman (as opposed to being cast as the desirable woman’s mother) is ticking down. She should look at what happened to Angela Bassett (who took too long to wake up, and wasted her prime female leading actress years).

If AA female slaves had any sense, they would stop celebrating Asexual Mammy. And stop lifting her up as an example for young AA girls. That’s crazy, Rwanda Zone thinking. That’s deathstyle thinking, and it’s totally out of touch with human norms.

Those women who are in touch with human norms understand that it’s a competitive world. Sensible women have no problem with caring about the so-called “male gaze” because attracting a quality, loving husband is a preliminary building block to marriage and wholesome family life. The relatively few normal and thriving AA women who exist understand that advertising matters. Images matter, whether or not the images are consciously intended to serve as advertising. “Brands” matter. Personal brands matter.

Sojourners know that sensible people aren’t careless or negligent about projecting an attractive image for their collective “brand.” That’s why, as other bloggers have noted, White lesbians such as Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow were required to soften and feminize their images in order to have their own tv shows. That’s why White lesbian actresses (such as Amber Heard and Portia de Rossi) who want to be employed have the common sense to conform to feminine norms in terms of their self-presentation.  Sensible women know what time it is.

For those who don’t, an education is a terrible thing to waste.”

-Khadija Nassif,  Sojourner’s Passport

09:50 am, by shesthedifferencemaker4 notes